To The Friendship That Died,
There are days when I miss you, there are days when I don’t.
There are moments in life that remind me of you, some make me smile, some make me cry. Our relationship was one I thought would last a lifetime. You and I planned to be in each other’s weddings. We talked about marriage, about baby wearing and co sleeping, cloth or disposable diapers.
Then one day you went from “friend” status to “mom” status and I remember being annoyed, confused, and hurt all at the same time. Not “mom” status in the way that you were helpful in making life decisions and always had a wet wipe or ibuprofen when needed. No, that would have been fine. Instead you went to “mom” status as in telling me what I should and should not be doing in life.
Your questions turned from, “How are you today?” into, “What are you doing and why?”
The control increased and the fun, lightheartedness disappeared. Our deep chats about life went away. I felt controlled.
It’s been months now since we’ve talked and that thought brings with it feelings of relief and anxiety. I’m afraid you’ll want to hang out again, I’m afraid you’ll want to control every detail of my life, I’m afraid I won’t be able to say no.
I wish I could tell you that my life has indeed gone on. I have discovered that part of friendship means trust and freedom. No one wants to be controlled. I want to flourish into who I was made to be and I want the same thing for you.
You mentioned once that I should stop acting like an adult because I was simply an, “emergent adult”. Well I’m not. I’m not going to stop acting like an adult because unlike you, I am living the life of a fully functioning adult, and that is good.
I wish you all the best in life.
I hope you learn the joys of adulthood and responsibility.
I hope you learn to laugh when you are trying to pump up a tire and fall flat on you bum!
I hope you have a moment where you realize you could do something you never thought was possible, and that it makes you feel empowered.
I hope you learn to enjoy a night off, because the rest of your life is booked.
I hope you learn to value hard work and have a passion for whatever you go into.
I hope you learn that loving someone always looks like freedom.
The Friend Who Walked Away