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Day 97 – Regrets

I think we can all say we have regrets.

At times I feel as though I have more than many.

I was always the kid that hid when I felt embarrassed or did something wrong… and sadly that didn’t change much as I got older.

The other day I literally changed dinner plans because I walked up to the restaurant and saw someone I knew through the window.

Lame, I know, but it’s true… and that’s the saddest part.

Every time my family moved I would consider it a way to start over and I had so much peace! Literally my emotional health was best when I moved because there were no people I would run into that I had hurt, let down, or in anyway displeased. Once again, I know this is lame… but I don’t think I’m the only one that struggles with this.

I have run from opportunities to have lasting friendships out of fear of letting people down or not meeting their expectations of me. I have turned into someone who is known by few and who knows few because of fears and feeling like I’m not someone who is worth knowing, or if people knew me, I would be a disappointment to them.

Regrets…

I have so many.

I wish I didn’t… but I’m sitting here looking on social media at friends who just got engaged, others sitting around with supportive friends, and still others who are raising families… and I’ve only followed those events from afar. I haven’t been invited to many of those things… and I know why. I did it to myself out of fears of getting hurt or hurting others… and yet at the end of the day, I did both of those.

Regrets.

I wish you all more courage than regrets.

I wish you all the memories in the world, instead of plans that never happened.

I wish you all community that is real… in all of life.

I wish you all enough joy that reminds you of why loving is worth the risk.

Day 97

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